Search

A Bit of Back Story

It took me 44 years but I finally claim the word artist.


I realized this when I was deep into depression. Client work was drying up, I was unable to find a suitable job, nothing in the old career sphere seemed to be working and I was just feeling miserable and sorry for myself. I was scared and started to panic.


Yes, it was a pandemic and yes other people were struggling.


However, I also knew I was meant to do more than what I had been doing.


Right around this time, I discovered psilocybin aka magic mushrooms again (after dabbling in college, I was a hippie after all) and did a light journey (1.5 grams) out at the Oregon coast in February 2021. I was asking the universe, talking with G-d: "What am I supposed to do here? I’ve been waiting. I’m ready, give it to me!"


The first thing I remember when going into my trance was the message, “You are an artist. Stop giving yourself away.” It was a very loud message that seemed to be ringing in my ears, through my chest. Then later: the vision of standing by an easel in my garage, doors wide open, sun streaming in, painting.


It still took a few weeks for me to pick up a paintbrush.



"Tire Tracks Over My Heart"


Then a few weeks of ignoring it, still in my misery, wondering what the hell, until I started microdosing and one day met one of my spirit guides through automatic writing (I am woo, you should know now, if you don’t already). He said I needed to write a book on depression, get to it. “You’re digging yourself out.”


So I started writing. With a lot of resistance.


And then an evening with a friend shifted everything, our deep conversation just catching up on life, hit me. I went into my garage and started painting. And found I couldn’t stop. Not only that, I was dancing.

My new book, "45 or Die: A True Tale of Digging Out of Depression" is the book that came as a result. I started the book, then I started painting.


This is the story of remembering myself as an artist and recreating reality. It’s a platform for my work and a way for you to engage with me. As a visitor of this site, you are bearing witness to my process and also have the opportunity to join me on this journey.


Thank you for being here!


27 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All