A Bit of Back Story

It took me 44 years but I finally claim the word artist.

I realized this when I was deep into depression. Client work was drying up, I was unable to find a suitable job, nothing in the old career sphere seemed to be working and I was just feeling miserable and sorry for myself. I was scared and started to panic.

Yes, it was a pandemic and yes other people were struggling.

However, I also knew I was meant to do more than what I had been doing.

Right around this time, I discovered psilocybin aka magic mushrooms again (after dabbling in college, I was a hippie after all) and did a light journey (1.5 grams) out at the Oregon coast in February 2021. I was asking the universe, talking with G-d: "What am I supposed to do here? I’ve been waiting. I’m ready, give it to me!"

The first thing I remember when going into my trance was the message, “You are an artist. Stop giving yourself away.” It was a very loud message that seemed to be ringing in my ears, through my chest. Then later: the vision of standing by an easel in my garage, doors wide open, sun streaming in, painting.

It still took a few weeks for me to pick up a paintbrush.

"Tire Tracks Over My Heart"

Then a few weeks of ignoring it, still in my misery, wondering what the hell, until I started microdosing and one day met one of my spirit guides through automatic writing (I am woo, you should know now, if you don’t already). He said I needed to write a book on depression, get to it. “You’re digging yourself out.”

So I started writing. With a lot of resistance.

And then an evening with a friend shifted everything, our deep conversation just catching up on life, hit me. I went into my garage and started painting. And found I couldn’t stop. Not only that, I was dancing.

My new book, "45 or Die: A True Tale of Digging Out of Depression" is the book that came as a result. I started the book, then I started painting.

This is the story of remembering myself as an artist and recreating reality. It’s a platform for my work and a way for you to engage with me. As a visitor of this site, you are bearing witness to my process and also have the opportunity to join me on this journey.

Thank you for being here!

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